Motherhood: Trying to do Everything, Accomplishing Nothing

Okay, I'm back and we can log this one in the category of "Stuff Nobody Ever Tells You."

After Sara was born, I couldn't get back to work quickly enough. In fact, I even cut my maternity leave a little short without really telling anyone. I just pretended it was over and I was due back at the office. I jumped right back in full-time and was happy about it. Kept the social life going, started blogging, got back into exercising, and continued to do all the things I had always done along with the new responsibilities.

After a few months, the stress started to build, but I couldn't put my finger on the cause of it. As little Sara's personality began to shine, my guilt (for not being around much and for being so busy) grew and grew. Still, I was kind of oblivious to my feelings because I wasn't taking any time for myself. I just knew that I was becoming cranky.

Then, just after my last post on May 17, my husband and I went on a wonderful and luxurious vacation without Sara for the first time. I had expected to come back rested, rejuvenated and ready to tackle the world.

Rested? Very. The rest of it? Not so much.

Taking a break from my life made me realize just how overwhelmed I was becoming with it all. I felt like I was doing a little bit of a lot of different things, and none of them very well. Actually, I still do.

I came back more stressed and guilt-ridden than ever. And then on top of it all, my cat got sick as a direct result of my neglect, but that's another story.

This crazy panic came out of left field. I'm sure many working mothers have similar experience, but most of the ones I see make it look so easy.

For the past month, I have done the minimum necessary to get by in my life, and at the same time I've been organizing my priorities -- little and big.

Somehow, just the acknowledgement of my feelings and predicament has made me feel quite a bit better. I've slowly been able to come up with little solutions to become more efficient and ultimately simplify my life. I definitely don't have the answers yet, but I'm on my way.